The World According to Kris – 2006 in Review
As we get older (read: Steve, and, to a much lesser extent, I), those days on the calendar magnet just fly by! So, lest you have forgotten the highlights of this past year, I have compiled my own Year In Review. Consider it a public service of sorts. You’re welcome.
JANUARY
The Dow Jones tops 11,000 for the first time since June, 2001, and I still am a couple of million latkes short of my retirement goals. CNN Money.com cites a Moody’s report:
Nationally, the overall outlook seems reasonable: 7 percent appreciation for 2006 and flat for 2007. But markets that have seen the greatest appreciation over the past five years appear to be vulnerable.
While San Diego was listed as a “vulnerable” region, most sellers immediately recognize that their homes are “special” and correction-proof. (Many of these homes are still on lockbox. Call me for a private showing!) Meanwhile, my oldest daughter gets her driver’s license, and anyone aware of this fact is still biking to work.
FEBRUARY
Vice President Dick “Dick” Cheney shoots Texas lawyer Harry Whittington with many, many, many pellets while quail hunting. He either: a) mistakes him for a 5 to 7 ounce, chickenlike game bird; or, b) thinks he is manufacturing weapons of mass destruction.
On the home front, I start hearing about “blogs” and inform Steve that we need to get one of those guys. Steve says “no”, and I ignore him. My research begins, and I discover the Rain City Guide.
MARCH
Facing eight years in prison for taking bribes from military contractors, San Diego’s own Randy “Duke” Cunningham attempts to defend the past sale of his Del Mar, California home to a campaign contributor for 60% over market value by presenting prosecutors with his Zestimate. Inman News reports that “Home Price Growth Hits the Brakes”. I tell Steve we really need one of those Blog Thingies. He says “no”. I ignore him and purchase the domain SanDiegoHomeBlog.com.
APRIL
Scientists discover fossil of 375 million year old fish that has early signs of limbs. Some speculate that it is actually Strom Thurmond, while others swear it is their real estate office’s Top Producer. Meanwhile, the FDA rejects medicinal use of marijuana. Angry glaucoma patients everywhere throw munchies at their TV sets. The San Diego Home Blog debuts and, by the end of the month, posts a total readership of three: Steve, me and one 14-year-old boy in Toledo who, in an unfortunate spelling error, typed “organisms” in his Google search and got my post on termite inspections.
MAY
Home sellers wait patiently for the Spring Buying Frenzy to begin. Home buyers wait patiently for the Second Coming. Bolivia nationalizes the natural gas industry, and their miltary takes over energy fields. President Bush, quickly springing to action, locates Bolivia on a map and invades, citing weapons of mass destruction. In a bold and shameless attempt to copy the Rain City Guide, we add three contributors to our blog, none of whom have any interest whatsoever in writing, technology or my personal thirst for complete cyber-domination. Our total readership is now two: Steve and me. (The contributors, it turns out, don’t even read our blog, and the 14-year-old from Toledo hasn’t been back).
JUNE
Inman News reports that real estate inventory swells by 60% in top metro areas. With the slowing market leaving more time for blogging, I post an article on property inspections which gets me in deep doo-doo. It seems that the buyer of one of my listings and his agent felt I was talking about them in this post, which I was not. (Okay, maybe I was, but just a little bit). My company Broker-Owner tells me to “bury” the piece. I’ve hit the big time! Total readership is now, apparently, five! In Hollywood news, Mary Kate and Ashley just aren’t cute anymore. (This isn’t really June news, but I wanted to get that in).
JULY
Grigory Perelman is awarded the Fields Medal for solving the Poincare Conjecture, a thorny math problem that I, for one, have found troubling for some time. Meanwhile, the mysteries of my own checkbook register remain unsolved.
A rumor floats around the office that someone, somewhere actually purchased a home this month. Reports are unconfirmed.
AUGUST
Rocking the very foundation of my elementary education, Pluto gets snuffed as a planet. Now considered by scientists a mere “dwarf”, I am forced to relearn my recitation of planets, while President Bush is forced to relearn his recitation of the names of the little miners in Snow White. Meanwhile, there is a big shake up at the San Diego Home Blog as I fire all of our contributors for failing to… contribute. Total readership is now seven: Steve, me and all of the contributors who log on to see exactly what they were fired from.
SEPTEMBER
Inman News reports that 50% of people polled expect homes to appreciate by 5% a year for the next several years. Of these, nearly a third were also excitedly anticipating Peace on Earth, Mel Gibson’s remake of Schindler’s List, and a Beatles reunion. Greg Swann writes a blog post that virtually everybody understands. (I made that last one up; September was a slow news month).
OCTOBER
The U.S. population hits the 300 million people milestone, 298,783,591 of which, it turns out, are licensed real estate agents. Bush signs legislation to build a 700 mile fence at the U.S./Mexican border, and concedes that economics and the minimum wage dictate that all construction will take place from the south side. Google agrees to buy YouTube for $1.65 billion. Steve and I contemplate a long-overdue garage sale that could conceivably net $84.62. We both celebrate our birthdays, and it is official: Steve is still much older than I am.
NOVEMBER
Inman News reports that Southern California home sales are down for the 11th straight month, which is the weakest pace in a decade. I get the Martian Death Flu, and now regret not having trademarked the name, as everyone seems to have it. Greg Swann asks me to join the Bloodhound Blog as a contributor, and I’m just a girl who can’t say “no”.
DECEMBER
Zillow causes quite a stir when they announce their site’s expanding functionality. Buyers are now able to search for homes in addition to playing around with the home valuation tool (more affectionately known in industry circles as the Random Number Generator).
As refreshing evidence that the housing market is rebounding, NASA announces plans for a base on the moon. Construction is scheduled for 2020, assuming no rain delays. The builder agrees to credit buyer in escrow for closing costs, and the refrigerator conveys.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! And let me say that this morning I have conclusive evidence that “good” champagne does indeed cause a headache, at least when consumed in massive quantities.
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