Another Year Bites the Big One – 2007 in Review

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From declining home prices to the mortgage mess, 2007 was a wild time for real estate agents and homeowners alike. As we say in our biz, you don’t know when you’ve hit bottom until you find yourself gazing back into the crevasse. It was a year of suffering – wildfires, war, and Sanjaya Malakar – and, as we head into an election year, the question remaining on everyone’s minds is, “Do I have a prepayment penalty?” With that, I bring you my year in review.

January

The Presidential campaigns are in full swing, and Democratic candidate Joe Biden kicks things off in fine form:

I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy, I mean, that’s a storybook, man.

Americans everywhere take great offense to the slanderous stereotype until he clarifies that he meant to say not “African-American” but “Realtor.” A relieved and understanding public forgives the gaffe. Biden’s approval rating immediately soars.

Meanwhile, the National Association of Realtors issues a statement that it is “a great time to buy.”

February

Do bees have ARMS? In what would later be considered prophetic, University of Illinois’ May Berenbaum remarks, “Imagine waking one morning to find 80 percent of the people in your community are just gone.” While many homeowners are realizing that they may be in danger of losing their homes, the buzz in the scientific community is that bees are vanishing at an astounding rate.

Also this month, the world is asking Dannielynn, “Who’s your daddy?”, while a twelve-year-old Victorville resident reportedly responds to the National Association of Realtors’ call to action and finally realizes his American Dream with the help of a 172% stated income loan brokered by Honest Al’s Factory Direct Furniture & Mortgages Galore.

There is a war going on, but no one notices. They are too busy trying to find their missing bees while some bald chick named Britney is trying to find her missing career. Sadly, there is evidence of neither at the MTV Music Awards.

March

Top United Nations weapons experts find no evidence to suggest that Iraq has an active nuclear weapons program, while an undeterred Dick “Dick” Cheney, citing imminent threat to national security, declares war on all countries ending in the letter “e.”

April

National Association of Realtors Chief Economist David Lereah resigns. In his farewell speech, he bravely predicts that home prices will peak in mid-2005, making mid-2004 a great time to buy!

May

Jerry Falwell dies. No one notices, as everyone is questioning their own faith in a higher power. How could the Big Guy who brought us the Giant Sequoia, the Northern Lights, Stuffed Crust Pizza, and the stated-income loan at the same time allow world hunger, global warming, and David Hasselhoff? This sparks the theory of life being a group blog. Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan, heeding the advice of her publicist who said that she should be seen drunk and throwing up more often, is seen drunk and throwing up more often. Redfin’s Glenn Kelman appears on 60 Minutes, which makes a lot of Realtors want to drink and, well, you know. 

June

There is still a war going on, but nobody notices. Concerned that nobody is noticing that there is still a war going on, President “Dick” Cheney declares war on Monaco (now spelled “Monacoe”), just for the hell of it.

Further capitalizing on his patent of the First Person, Steve Jobs releases his latest “i” product, the iDon’tHaveAnyMoreHomeEquity PDA. The attractive touch screen features icons bearing the likenesses of Lotto Tickets, Hummers, and Ben Bernanke.

The National Association of Realtors declares that today at 2:00 pm is a great time to buy!

July

Would you like fries with that, please? A Wendy’s drive-thru employee gets her clock cleaned for not saying the magic words. Always quick to adapt, the National Association of Realtors unveils its new ad campaign, It’s a great time to buy! Please!

Also this month, the 19th and what J.K. Rowlings promises will be the final book in the series is released. Fans line up at midnight to bag their copy of Harry Potter and the Order Of the Senior’s Menu Entree. Meanwhile, J.K. Rowlings begins work on what she promises will be the final book in the series (and she really means it this time), Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Kidney Stone.

August

A mere 55 years after a woman rams a pencil into her brain, the #2 device, more typically associated with writing stuff down, is surgically removed from her head. Dr. Hans Behrbohm, an ear, nose and throat specialist, gets the nod to extract the object, having successfully performed similar procedures involving a Rolling Writer, several Crayola crayons (Burnt Sienna and Midnight Blue), and an entire calligraphy set. Meanwhile, Mattel recalls millions of toys made in China because they may contain dangerous substances like, say, lead.

Scientists conclude that babies who watch videos have more limited vocabularies. In politics, Senator Larry Craig, after having watched the entire sixty-eighth season of Everybody Loves Raymond on DVD in a single sitting, finds himself at a loss for words and resorts to gesturing in an airport men’s room.

Do those wacky scientists ever take a vacation? This month, they report on the discovery of the largest void known to exist. Previously believed to be the San Diego Home Blog December archives, it turns out that a void located 1 billion light years away is slightly more empty and much more entertaining.

September

Iranian President Mahmoud Something Really Hard to Spell declares the whole messy issue of WMD closed. Moving on, and determined to expose and end all terrorist threats, Vice President Bush demands that weapons inspectors be allowed access to the South Bend Montessori School activity room. War is subsequently declared.

October

Al Gore has one crowded mantel as he wins the Nobel Peace Price, this following two Oscar victories for his documentary titled Oh, Crap! It’s Hotter Than Hell Outside, and We are All Gonna Die! His lesser known but critically acclaimed musical Low Voltage Lights on Broadway earned him a Tony. And, his grandson was named Shining Star at Lil’ Leftist Preschool Academy in May.

Wildfires ravaged Southern California. Lessons were learned during the Cedar fire in 2003 when, as a precaution, Scripps Ranch residents were ultimately evacuated from their homes, albeit in 2005, after emergency personnel had successfully extinguished the fire with several spray bottles and a turkey baster. Officials this time around take no chances. All residents of San Diego County, Riverside County, and Butte, Montana, will be ringing in the New Year as they remain under mandatory evacuation “just in case someone smells smoke again.” Reports of airtankers prematurely extinguishing a man’s George Foreman Grill with an 8 million pound blanket of fire retardant are unconfirmed.

November

According to the Realtor.org website:

David Lereah said the “modest gains are expected for home sales. “As the housing market recovers from its correction, existing-home sales should be rising gradually through 2007 – it looks like we may have reached the low point for the current cycle in September.”

No, wait, that happened in November of 2006. In  2007, Mr. Lereah’s successor, Lawrence Yun, has this to say:

While some local markets will do better than others, the national home sales and prices will be similar in 2008 as in 2007.

Now, that’s funny!

December

The White House unveils the popular Do-Over Plan to assist homeowners facing a resetting of their mortgage interest rates from the lower “teaser rates”, or as they are called in the industry, “imaginary friends.” Touted as a “rate increase moratorium… aimed at helping homeowners, not speculative real estate buyers,” the proposal includes some strings. The owners must be current on their payments, thereby suggesting that they can afford the loans they can not afford, their loans must have been originated between February 30th and February 31st, the Year of the Ox, and they must produce x-rays verifying the absence of writing implements in their skull cavities. Three people qualify, but only under the People Who Bothered to Read Their Loan Docs exemption.

Pakistani former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto is assassinated. There is nothing funny about this. And there is still a war going on.

Wishing you a happy and healthy 2008!

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