Good news! I did it!
Here, I shared my frustration with the logistics involved in assembling a family of four to six for a the requisite holiday card photo. Patton’s mobilization of the Third Army had to be a cake walk compared to my challenges. I am
proud relieved able to say that I accomplished the mission, but not without casualties.
After two weeks of laying down the law (“Tomorrow at precisely 3:00 pm we will meet in the family room. Come camera-ready!), I finally seized the moment. The moment was 2:43 pm, December 13, 2007. My two daughters walked in the door from school with their wide-eyed looks of innocence, wherein book bags were immediately ripped from their bodies. Steve, who was wandering aimlessly as is so often his way (just kidding, honey), was body blocked and given his marching orders. “Get the camera! And the tripod! And the remote!” It turned out that the tripod and camera were mismatched, the former belonging to the video camera which does not require a threaded connection, so we improvised. “Just balance it on top!” I instructed in my command voice. It also happened that the remote had never been used, which explained the absence of battery, so we reverted to the “set timer and run like he*&” method of self-photography.
Last items of business: Call dog and find cat. Getting the dog was the easy part, as he is never more than two dog-lengths separated from his meal tickets. Finding the cat wasn’t too difficult either, but convincing the cat to be held by a person of human persuasion, and a person fewer than two dog-lengths separated from the dog at that very moment, proved more challenging. The cat ultimately found an escape route (involving claws, clothing and at least one human head), and we believe she is now living somewhere near Albuquerque.
So without further ado, I offer you this year’s Berg Holiday Photo which should be arriving to your mailbox some time in late March, as the printer still shows my order status as “queued.” Hallmark, eat your heart out. Oh, and before you start getting all critical, I am fully aware of the following facts:
- A lint brush is on the end table,
- It is sitting next to a clock that, while stylish, has never been set and perpetually leads one to believe that it is a little after “ten”,
- I am dressed like a homeless person in a card which will be sent to my past clients;
- Daughter #1 is still wearing her coat,
- Steve is sporting REI’s newest Lumberjack Line, and
- The dog is the most photogenic member of the family.
From our family to yours, Happy Holidays!