Man Poses as Buyer

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SAN DIEGO – Several unconfirmed reports were received Sunday of an open house visitor posing as a genuine, qualified home buyer. This man, claiming to be “unrepresented”, allegedly approached agents at several homes in one inland neighborhood inquiring about schools, property taxes and jumbo loan interest rates.

While the typical open house attendee is “just looking” or “has a friend”, this individual claimed to have actual interest in making a purchase and in finding an agent to represent him, thereby raising the suspicions of the open house greeters he encountered.

“Sure, he wants to buy a home”, said one agent as she removed her cinnamon rolls from the oven. “And, I am Mary, Queen of Scots. What does he take me for, a chump?”

“He said that he doesn’t have an agent. Naturally, my radar immediately went up”, said another alert Neighborhood Specialist. “Are you telling me that this guy didn’t trip over three licensed relatives on the way out the door this morning? I told him to get lost.”

One subdivision’s Realtor for Life wasn’t fooled. “If he was who he said he was, he wouldn’t have asked a bunch of stupid questions. No serious buyer tries to engage me in a trivial conversation about the process. No serious buyer cares about the price. Ask me how long the home has been on the market, ask me if the seller is motivated, or ask me if the “faux finnish paint” I wrote about on the flyer was applied by actual Finns. Then, I know you are serious. By the way, I heart referrals!”

“While he stopped short of acknowledging my existence, he was brazen enough to make actual eye contact”, said one Top Producer who is also a member of the Plutonium Exalted Order of the Reverent Divine President’s Legacy Circle Club. “I shoved a free list of homes and a calendar magnet in his clinched fists and sent him on his way.”

The local Rookie of the Year said she felt victimized and utterly defenseless. “When I dutifully executed the body block maneuver at the front stoop as I was taught, knocking him to the ground while simultaneously thrusting a pen and contract into his hands, I could tell I was dealing with a professional. When I asked if he was working with an agent, he said “No”. There are some things your training simply does not prepare you for!”

Witnesses describe the man as of medium height and build. He was last seen driving a mini-van sporting a “My Child Was Student of the Month” sticker and is possibly armed with a Zestimate and the Sunday paper. Police are advising homeowners and agents to take routine safety precautions. “If a visitor fails to show utter contempt for the agent or begins to speak positively about a home’s features, it is likely a ruse. Contact authorities immediately”.

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