Stocking Stuffers

Kristn.jpgI’ll admit that I am guilty of the occassional typo or other MLS input transgression, but I am constantly amazed at the agent property descriptions I see. So, I offer this short list of actual stupid write-ups from among the 112 active listings in Scripps Ranch this morning. Let’s call it: ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS THE HOLIDAYS IS…

A LAWYER

  • “his and her’s (sic) walkin closet” – What about his & his or hers and hers?
  • “family oriented home”, “great family neighborhood”, “the perfect family home” and others – A repeat offender, I’m afraid, and a fair-housing no-no. By the way, the word “perfect” should go in (as Steve likes to call it) the bad word bucket. Nothing is perfect.
  • “good school district, especially elementary school”, “children attend (name of school)” – You had better hope so, or you will be buying the house back.
  • “walking distance to…” – Another fair-housing bad boy. Sorry, but not everyone walks, and it is common knowledge that this language is discriminatory.
  • “no traffic noise” – Gotta love those electric cars.
  • “safe neighborhood” – Until the first incident. Tell it to the judge.

A DICTIONARY

  • “on a quiest culdesac” – Either quiet or the quietest, not sure which.
  • compklete with patio trellis” – Obviously of German descent.
  • “seller is anixous to see offers” – Not sure I want to present an offer to an anixous seller.
  • “new kithcen, new title, truely turnkey, terms to be negociated, MOTIVED seller!” – I wonder what, exactly, are their motives?

A CLUE

  •  “seller is motivated”, “seller says sell”, “seller wants it sold” – I started to count the number of times one of these little revelations was presented, but stopped at 22 when I was only one-third of the way through the listings. I suppose this is intended to distinguish a listing from the home that the seller does not want sold.
  • “bring all offers” – A truckload of these statements, as well. Glad they told me. I was going to write the offer and then put it in my desk drawer for another time.
  • “seller will look at all offers” – That’s a relief. I knew that the listing agent was obligated to present all offers, but I guess there is nothing to keep the seller from plugging his ears and shutting his eyes upon presentation. By the way, these and the “seller motivated” statements most often appear in the confidential remarks section which only other agents see. I interpret this as an “ignore the price, my sellers aren’t realistic, give me something before I lose the listing” plea.
  • “water purification system does not convey” – At first glance, there is nothing inherently wrong with this statement, EXCEPT that the home is listed for $1,245,000. Unless the water purification system was a wedding present from your departed maternal grandmother, I would suggest that it can be replaced.
  • “owner is motivated…seller to have suitable housing prior to close of escrow…no sign on property…dogs may bite” – Now, that is what I call motivation!
  • “dog be careful” – And to all of the cats out there, you can proceed with confidence.

Sellers, it is a competitive environment. You owe it to yourselves to review your advertising copy. To the agents, don’t be sloppy or stupid. Your clients deserve better.

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