The Six Month Solution – Our New Deal

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The Declaration of Independence 

If we had a dollar for every time… How many times have we said that? At the risk of compromising our street cred, this latest one is for real. Well, actually, it’s not the latest, as we have been hearing it for about twelve months running. We hear it when we are holding an open house, at the grocery store, at a school function and even at the gas station. We hear it from the prospective buyers. After asking us, “How long has it been on the market?”, “Why are they moving?”, and “Is there going to be a price reduction soon?”, we inevitably hear the next declaration.

“I think I’ll just wait SIX MONTHS.”

A thoughtful explanation invariably ensues. “My (dentist, Uncle Phil, barber, therapist, insurance guy, mailman) says that in SIX MONTHS it will be the right time to buy.” Of course, these experts have it all over Jim Cramer from CNBC who, as our alert reader “Rido” pointed out, identified next March as the bottom of the market and, therefore, “the time” to buy homes again. The Federal Reserve Board, most economists, and even the National Association of Realtors have yet different opinions, but what do they know? Naturally, the smart money is on Uncle Phil.

Six months, six months, six months… There are so many people waiting to make a home purchase, and all of these people seem to be zeroing in on a single day 182 1/2 days from now. You heard it here first: All hell is going to break loose.

The one thing we most need in this current market is certainty. Thankfully, we seem to have a quorum and a consensus. All seem to agree that the optimum buying time-frame is six months. The only remaining question is, “Six months from when?”  

We the People 

Somebody has to take a leadership role. So, we are here to bring sanity to the table. A moving target causes angst, it causes frustration and it results in undue stress and premature graying. Wishy-washy targets benefit no one. We need to establish the exact day on when it will be okay for the ever-growing gridlock of buyers to safely venture from the sidelines.

Therefore, let it be known that, in order to create a more perfect union, the time begins now. Six months from today is May 15, 2008. If the barber, the dentist, Uncle Phil, and other studied pundits in our collective spheres of influence are all correct, do you have any idea what will happen on this date? It will be chaos.

Society Without Government 

The latent demand is just too enormous, and anarchy can get ugly. Remember the debut season of Tickle Me Elmo? Imagine, then, a day when throngs of home-seeking buyers take to the streets finally ready to call dibs on their favorite home (you know the one – “model-perfect”, “priced to sell” , “bring all offers”, “koi pond conveys”). And, then, they will proceed to beat the crap out of each other with their respective Zestimates. In order to avoid this impending doomsday scenario, we need to bring not just certaintly but order to the process.

Hail to the Chief

That’s why we propose May 15 as our newest National Holiday, “American Home Buying Day”. This way, we can all count on it and plan accordingly. Government agencies can coordinate traffic control and emergency personnel. Costs to the taxpayers can be offset by selling strategic advertising, such as “593 Shady Sunset Happy Place Lane brought to you by Jim’s Discount Tire and Mortgage.” Real estate agents will have lotteries to determine in which order their clients will get to see each home. “Number three-zero-six: Please report to “Lovingly Maintained 4BR Plus Bonus Room, Owner May Carry.” Thinking about it, this is so much better than the arbitrary way we do business now, just showing multiple and random homes, willy-nilly, over the course of months and months. Now, the conversation will be much different. Buyer: “Can we see the home this weekend?” Agent: “No, you’ll have to wait until American Home Buying Day. Take a number.”

America was made great by increasing efficiency which led to enhanced productivity. Eliminating all but one day a year to buy a home will do the same thing. It’s the six-month solution. We will fly our flag proudly, in the colors of Sienna Sand and Arizona White.

What a great country!

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